Thursday, December 30, 2010

Dude What Would Happen?

Why was this show greenlit? Why does it even exist? Why why why why why why why why why?

 "Sigh" I hate this show. I really really do. Whereas my next review is a suprise but something I actually like, this is a piece of shit.

Dude What Would Happen? is what happnes when you take this equation and make a show out of it:

3 douchebags + freedom to do whatever pops into their minds within the budget+ Mythbusters+ Jackass= Dude What Would Happen

And unlike those other two shows, this is entertaining because of how flat out insane it is. I'm also seeing this episode for the first time as I write this. So your about to see what  my problem is.

The general setup is this:these three douchbags(whos names are given in the intro but I don't care enough to remember) sit around and come up with totally radical ideas for... I don't know what to call it just watch it.

So Long Haired Douche poses the age old question: How come nobodys ever painted with paintballs He argues with Funny Haired Douchebag who says their commando style. But Long Hair argues it's still paint. They probably cut the take of thuis. This probably went on for hours before Bald Douche stopped them.  So Baldy, who's not as much of a pain in the ass so far, has them dress up like artistic commandos. Basically that means war paint and french hats. Funny Hair, who's name is apprently Ollie, makes an ollie saurs on the canvas of color in dinosaurs. It's pretty scary looking, especiallyt he freeze frame I have of it. He says it's the last of it's kind. I hope Ollie will become this, if theres a god in heaven, none of them will breed. So it's easier on me the other two are Jackson, the mop haired one, and CJ the bald one.

Accordign to Jackson, who looks stoned out of his Gourd, he has at least 3000 in total. It's more like 750 as the othe note. oh and Ollie notes his ollie saurus  head is already filled in. No it's not dipshit you just made a frightning looking cutout of yourself. Now thankfully I get a break as the douchebags fire all their paintballs like their commandos. And CJ is getting worried. He doesn't annoy me as much as the other 2. Oh also the other two keep "accdendlty" hitting the "sigh" Olliesaurs' face with paint. If it were me I'd just unload taht mother all on that douches face. Well maybe one or two. The rest would go streight in the real Ollies crotch.

The boys start gradually runnning out of paint until it's just Ollie, but eventually Ollie is able to finish the coloring sheet. Jackson calls it a master pice. I'ts not, it looks like the dinosaur has a rash and the ollie saurs' mouth is stuffed with paint and the T-Rex looks like he has a rash. Oh and they say they've proven they can paint with paint balls. NO YOU CAN'T ALL YOU'VE PROVEN IS THAT YOU CAN FILL GIANT COLORING SHEET WITH PAINT BALLS. and we're only 10 minutes in people.

Now their going to try and paing a house, or rather a small shed, witha paint ball using a Helicopter. Okay even I have to admit it's pretty awesome. though Jackson and Ollie are annoying the crap out of me.  But Ollie does note what I already figured, the paint ball is  gonna destroy it. So the two stooges try to direct CJ and the hatred copter over the ouse succsfully and that's when they hit the break, right before the paint ball hits.

Okay i'm sorry for dropiing you into this with little or no backstory but here it goes: Last year Cartoon Network tried an ill-thought out slew of reality shows, althought he two that remained are something diffrent:This shit and destroy build destroy. The latter sounds intresting and oh shit it's back.....

So it heit sthe thing and paints the roof, and only the roof, like I also thought. But as much as I hate themn I loved it. But The other two just annoyed the shit out of me, esepcailly Ollie.

So the Douchebags are back at Douche HQ and start talking about the skill and finise of safecrackers and theives in the movies. But since none of them have skill or finisie, their gonna blow shit up. Do I even have to explain why this is a dumb idea? That theives don't use explosives but stealth for rather obvious reasons. No, good let's go on, the sooner this shit is over the better. There gonna destroy a safe using high grade explosives. Jackson goes the sentemental route and puts in love letters and old report cards. the love letter is on a construction paper heart, the last time a girl ever went near him was then. CJ wonders what we're all thinking:who keeps old report cards? Especially since all Jackson probably got was an F+?

Ollie thinks they'll jsut knock it around. CJ hinks it will blow the door off. Either could happen. Ollie annoys me but unlike Jackson, at least he knows what the hell he's doing.  But it turns out CJ(not jackson as Ollie says) was right and the door blew off. But what none of them counted on was what anyone with a decent education will tell you, blowing up an object with stuff inside BLOWS UP THE STUFF INSIDE. That's another reason why theives don't use it, the other being it being conspicus. Yeah I decided to cop to it and tell you the truth.  Jackson remmbers one of them that says "You Smell Like Fetid Cheese". See I told you it was from third grade. CJ is confused as to how that qualifies as a love letter but Ollie says that love stinks like that. Wait what?

CJ says they need force. Granted his idea is ramming a car into it but its better than shit blowing up. HOwever Jackson comes up with asomewhat asinine idea of using a car crusher to open the safe. Its stupid but I'll admit it's bretty cool. Oh their also looking cool. They also put their mascot, a stuffed cheetah named Petunia, in the safe. Seeing his faviorite humping object in peril makes Jackson brain turn on for the first time and him realize that maybe the car crusher will also destroy what's inside. It's 400 thousand punds of preasure. Even CJ is starting to doubt this but figures it might work if just the right amount is applied. But Ollie is starting to get woried about his girlfreind. He just let's jackson hump it because their bros, but boy was it akward when CJ walked in and found a pantsless Jackson humping it while Ollie made out with it. GAHHHHHHHH damn it sorry about that image.  And break just as it starts.

Okay so all of this shit came from the ill conived CN real. and before you ask, yeah i'm watching this with my DVR so I can pause and write but i'm still watching this all for the first time. CN real also had The Outsiders, a ghost hunters type show, and Survive this, where they attempted to have kids survive int he wildreness. Like kid nation only they put an adult there tis time because common sense took hold. There was also Bobbe Says which is this but with an anThe presure is bending the safe but the boys are afraid of Petunia and Ollie is really worried  but she slips out with the help of the milk they put in their, but at the cost of her tail  Ollie says it's the most elegant part about her. Wow i've heared of furries but that's besteality, or interspecis erotica if you prefer. But it did work.

So apprently the idiots just saw Clash of the Titans and Jackson apprently knows about one I don't Boreous, god of winds. So their going to pit air against water. You know this show feels like the simpsons, where the plot starts at point a and arrives at somewhere far far away with point Q.  So their lab "dudes" set up air and watermatreses. So they decide which one. Ollie dreeses up like posiden, which basically boils down to his normal clothes and a santa beared and ceaser crown and CJ dresses up like Boreus, even though Jackson brought it up, with just a legionarres helmet and uniform. The roman kind not the kickass future teenager kind.  they also break out Puppets, though mini posiden  does speak the truth, asking why Jacksons hairs so big.   Basically their jumping on their respective mattreses. Ollie, sadly survies the jump. CJ takes his but he barley surves cause it pops. Well this was one big bust: CJ lost and Ollie didin't get horifficly injured.

They decided to go back to their strengths and decide to destory a tralier using their  elments but dress up as truckers. Oh god. So they set up 2 canonns with compressed air and another one with 400 gallons of water.  First is the air cannon which.. HOLY SHIT, IT BLASTED A HOLE IN IT.  Water tops this by blowing it down, HOLY BEJEEZUS! Okay now i'm seeing a pattren: The first one's asinine, the second one is usually pretty cool. Probablyl because the producers go with their stupid idea and then improve on it.

Oh thank god it's finally over. That took over and hour to make.


Okay as I admited there was some pretty good stuff but those douchebags annoyed me too much. Except CJ. It was as bad as I thought but hey it made a good review. Oh and by the by: I don't hate furries but fucking your cat, a house pet not an anthromorphic cat, is wrong. Though if you find yourself masterbating to garfield, you have issues. that's all for now yall, I"m out.

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