Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Degrassisection-Introduction and Who's Who?

 My first stab at Degrassi, possibly my last, but not the last project I said I would start and then quit on.

Hello the lovers the dreamers and me and welcome to Degrassisection, my new series discecting Degrassi season 10 and whatever seasons come next. The reason I'm starting with this season is it's the freshest in my mind. While I started with Season 8 and continued with 9, my opinons from the latest episodes would taint any thought, or witty sarcasim, I'd give.

Now for those of you wondering just what the hell I'm talking about Degrassi(Previously Degrassi:The Next Generation) is a candian Teen Drama aired on Teen Nick (Previously The N) follows the stories of several Canadian teens and their completely unrealistic melodramatic lives. Yeah despite a few good charicters the main appeal of the show is the fact it's so bad it's good.

Now since the show has dozens of characters I thought it best to start off with the charicters themselves, with their relevant histories and my opinions up to the Boiling Point.

Claire Edwards: Sister of Darcy, a previous character who has nothing at all to do with what's going on, who's the voice of reason to her best friend Alli who we'll get to in a bit. Claire used to go around in a uniform until Alli brought her out of her shell. She spent most of season 8 either telling Alli not to do something stupid or pining over KC who will get more in a second. But she eventually landed KC, only for him to turn around and dump her when things went sour, again long story. She went through a Twilight phase that i'd rather act like it didin't happen and that's Claire up until this point. Oh she's also relgious, as that'll be imporant to her charicter later in the season.

K.C. Guthrie: Since Claire's story for season 8 is tied into this douchebag, we'll do him next. And not in that way, good god not in that way. K.C. was once a delinquent who currently lives in a group home after his junkie parents abandoned him. He later found himself attracted to Claire, but before their romance could blossom, she found out his past and threw a fit. Luckily Connor, who like alot of characters in a minute, brought them togheter in time honored sitcom fashion by locking them alone together in the same room. They went out for a while but their diffrences, K.C. was getting into sports, while Claire stuck with school, caused them to drift apart. Two things finally finsihed the job: Jenna Middleton, the new perky blonde and K.C.'s creepy coach who told K.C. to get with Jenna. While it's not all K.C.'s fault he could've waited. But then Coach got all creepy, hiring KC a hooker and showing him his gun(NOT LIKE THAT). So K.C. apolgized to Claire but stuck with Jenna and got Coach arrested. There as also a plot about cheating on a test but I dont' care enough to talk about it.

Connor Deltasaurus Simpson: Adopted son of Legacy Charicter from Degrassi's 80's series Archibald Snake Simpson, Connor is one of my favorite charicters who's, sadly, criminally underused. Connnor has asbergers like yours truly, a minor form of autism. Unlike yours truly he discovered this during his teen years while i've known since I was 8 or so. This became a major plot point when Der Fuherer... I mean The Shep, jackass and principal for most of season 8, tried to get Connor expelled for defying him, because The Shithead... I mean The Shep hated anyone who wasn't a jock... and Jane, who despite not being on the show anymore will also get a profile due to being important, but we'll get to that in Jane's profile. But with Claires help Ze Jackace... I mean The Shep was deposed. Connor then did jack squat more during seasons 8 and 9 other than some stuff with Dave but more on him later. Oh I almost forgot.... I liked Claire but she liked KC and as stated he eventually stepped aside and Threes Companied them toghter. He's also nerdy like me. Really Connor is me if I were African American and Canadian, both of which just make him awesomer.

Alli Bandahri

Alli is the brother of Sav, who sadly we'll get to in a minute. Alli is every annoying sterotypical sitcom teenager rolled into one. To prove my point heres a handy checklist....


Obsessed with fashion? Check

Is either dating A) A nerdy well meaning guy, or B) A guy her friends and or family don't aprove of for good reason? Check for B

Has a nerdy guy pining for her but ignores her for whoever comes along? Check

Rebels against her parents and ignores whatever they say? Not to their face but Check.

Makes you want to dropkick her into a volcano? Check

See? right on all acounts. Alli spent seasons 8 and 9,  pining over or dating Senior and delinquint who was around when comedy relief J.T. was tragically murdered in a puddle of urine, with a knife, but wasn't the one who knifed him. She lost her viginity to him but he claimed to  have lost his too. This turned out to be a lie... he had an STD. She didint' find this lovely fact out until after their relationship fizzled when she started sexting him, only for them to get in a snit that ended with Johnny sending the naked pictures all over the school. Yeah Alli really dosen't have  good impluse control and I really don't like her, as noted above most of her plots are her doing something stupid after claire said she shouldin't. SIGH.

Sav Bandhari
SIGH as you can tell i'm not looking forward to summing up this failure waste. Sav is Alli's brother and a woman abusing douche. Well not phiscally and it is her fault for staying with him but his relation ship with Anya is just... hard to describe, so i'll do her next, and to whoever just said that's what she said i'm gonna sock you. But Sav is Alli's big brother who was in a band called Studz(Because poor literacy is kewl) who consisted of....

Spinner Beaurgaurd Dinopunch Thunderbolt Mason: Degrassi's best charicter for a long time who overcame cancer, was the scapegoat for the school shooting during his tenure, was drummer for another douchebag's band, and had a crippled african american currently a rapper named Drake sidekick from the future named Jimmy who was justifiably mad at him for a bit since the shooting did cripple him.  But they smoothed things over, Spinner punched the moon back into orbit and everything was cool again. He's Boycott The Caf's mascot and resident badass and stuck around school for at least a year after he graduated, as he was dating Jane who we;ll get to next. Spinner is currently married to Snake's step-daughter Emma, who was a charicter before Degrassi:TNG existed and is total hippy. Spinner drummed for Studz because he had nothing better to do between Jane time and running the local hangout The Dot and policing canada like a mighty hawk. He eventually decided it was time to go after his wedding, and realized that drumming for douchebags wasn't his thing, and is now the Candian Ambasador to America, Norway and Mars.

Jane Vaughn: A tough girl, Janie started dating Spinner pre-season 8 and joined the football team in season 8, but had to fight the Shep, who was a myisgonistic douchenozzle but we've said enough about him, but stayed fast. She joined the Band after douchebag Peter got on the smack, and the band was rechrisned Janie and The Studz because her and Spinner are the only ones with talent and Spinner didin't anyone to know he knew Sav and Peter. She's currently studing in New York after breaking up with spinner due to an affair that happened in the past.

Danny Van Zeldt: The Band's token black guy who plays the base and really isn't that notable.

Peter Stone:I hate this douchebag. I really do. He was a manipulative bastard who eventually turned into a whiny opposum. He eventually did smack, got kicked off of the band but then they took pity on him and let him back into the band. He pops up twice this season and only once of note, so let's pretend he never existed.

And those were the Studz. Sav's misadventures revolve around them, anya and his horribly repressive parents who are a detriment to both of their children. Otherwise Sav is just boring, annoying and boring in that order.

Jenna Middleton: The perky blonde from Newfoundland who came in during season 9 and took KC from Claire. Sorftof. She can also sing which is important to this season. She's currently dating KC, obviously and the fanbase really really really hates her. I don't get it as much, she's annoying but not Sav or KC levels of annoying or abusive. Speaking of Sav...

Anya Iforgotherlastname
Anya was Queen Bitch Holly J's lapdog before telling her to take a hike. She also dated Sav though he mostly hid her from his parents, and she was stupid enough to stay with him despite him not having enough balls to stand up to his parents(He said he did once but I have a feeling he lied.). This was what made sav really annoying until  Season 9 where her sleeping with Sav to keep him away from his arranged marrige and lying about being on the pill caused Sav of all people to end it. All I can say is thank god. She also LARP's and that's the extent of her personality.

Holly J Sinclair
Holly J was Degrassi's queen bitch, taking after her unseen queen bitch sister heather, who used Anya as a laptdog until... well you know. She was generally a bitch until her and Spinner were trapped with a gunman who shot Spinner. She let Jane have him and started dating Declan who we'll get to next and calmed down a bit. She's still snippy when necessary but far less of a bitch.

Declan Coyne: One of the new batch introduced in season 9, Declan was a smooth pimp who loves the pussy until he realized him and Holly J had similar intrests... but Holly J was a bit turned off by the fact he had been sleeping with Jane while she was still with Spinner and it took ALOT of convincing on his part to land her. They have a pretty good relationship at this point and spent the summer in New York together. He also produced the good effects but bad script play Alien High or something, and anyone who dares to make a crack about Tron:Legacy I have three words for you: Jeff Motherfucking Bridges. That is all. I loved that movie.

Fiona Coyne: Declans sister who has incesty vibes with him and was as territorial as a pack womanimal while he was dating Holly J. This peaked in New York where she made out with Declan against his will in public and he finally snapped at her. She gets some much much much neeeded charicter development this season after being a bitch last season.

Dave The Glave Turner: Who's pretty much whatcha get when you mix former comic relief guy J.T. with Nick Cannon. He's as annoying as Nick Cannon sometimes and hangs around with Connor, and defended him on the B-Ball team, and Wesley, who get's more appernces this season. His claim to popularity is using a waterbottle to pee on resident bully bruce the moose. Yeahhhhh let's move on.

Chante Black:Yes the black charicters last name is black. She's Dave's cousin who's been at degrassi a year longer than she should have and the school gossip who everybody wants to shut up. You know I just realized that other that Dave's Postive points and Connor in general, most minorites on degrassi aren't good charicters. Way to be subtly racist Degrassi. Way. To.

Riley Stavros:The Closeted Gay quarter back who's whole charicter revolves around him being in the closet and angry about it. That's it. He eventually came around, and while not coming out found a love intrest in Zane, who hadn't done much. Yet.

Wesley: A white nerd and the completing part of Dave and Connors sepctacular nerd Trio. Was in the path of Claires Twlight Phase.

Owen:Homophobe and Bully. That's it. That's all that's all there is.

Zane:Riley's closet key.

Archiebald "Snake" Simpson: The current principal of Degrassi and only leftover adult. Connors adopted father. He tries to be reasonable and has a rough road ahead as principal. Nice guy, really nice guy.

And taht's the cast for this season. I think... yup that's all, new cast aside, I got em all. Tune in next time to see the first part of the first part of Season 10. Until then:Courage.

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